Limerick Fun

I fucking hate Tim Tebow

noreply@blogger.com (Rich Stage) — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 20:11:00 +0000

If you do not know who Tim Tebow is, get out from under your rock and turn on ESPN. He is the Heisman winning QB from Florida, who, if he wins the SEC championship game, will play in yet another national championship game. Huzzah for him.

Why do I fucking hate Tim Tebow?

He was recently on a missionary trip to the Philippines. That trip is bad enough in and of itself. People went for medical and dental care, yet had to sit through a religious spiel before getting treated. I consider that cruel and unusual punishment, but those people need the treatment, so any is good. But that wasn't enough for Mr. Tebow.

Deciding that he wanted to get more "hands on", he assisted doctors with circumcisions.

Think about that.

Tim Tebow, majoring in "family, youth and community sciences" (Whatever the hell that is. Science? Really?) took up a needle and thread (okay, sutures are subtly different) and sewed up freshly mutilated penises. I know that medical standards in the Philippines are more lax than here, but really?

The important point to me is the genital mutilation. If anyone tries to tell you that circumcision (male genital mutilation) is for any reason other than religious, you can feel free to safely ignore anything else they have to say.

If anyone tells you that circumcision (male genital mutilation) is different or better than the slicing off of the labia or clitoris of little girls, feel free to punch them in their throat, because it is the same thing. It is mutilating the genitals of a young child, an innocent who knows nothing but the pain.

Fuck you, Tim Tebow. I fucking hate you.

References

I'll just leave this here...

noreply@blogger.com (Rich Stage) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 04:19:00 +0000

Well a Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar one evening fair
And one could tell by how he walked that he'd drunk more than his share
He fumbled round until he could no longer keep his feet
Then he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street

About that time two young and lovely girls just happend by
And one says to the other with a twinkle in her eye
See young sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt

They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see
And there behold, for them to view, beneath his Scottish skirt
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth

They marveled for a moment, then one said we must be gone
Let's leave a present for our friend, before we move along
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon, tied into a bow
Around the bonnie star, the Scots kilt did lift and show
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
Around the bonnie star, the Scots kilt did lift and show

Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled towards a tree
Behind a bush, he lift his kilt and gawks at what he sees
And in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes.
O lad I don't know where you been but I see you won first prize
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
O lad I don't know where you been but I see you won first prize

Don't fuck with P&T

noreply@blogger.com (Rich Stage) — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 18:47:00 +0000

Posted here.

Donohue can't learn to say when.
His head's up his ass yet again!
He thinks they're a prize,
but he picked the wrong guys -
Teller and his partner Penn

Old Bill's gonna learn the hard way
his religion's becoming passe.
But he'll still be a pawn
when he finds his god gone.
He'll be on his knees everyday

Yeah, I'm on Twitter...

noreply@blogger.com (Rich Stage) — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 04:00:00 +0000

I'm following #obamacare
They can't tell here from there
they think that it's wise
to spread all their lies
and pull "facts" out of thin air

Best pro-government health care post. EVAR.

noreply@blogger.com (Rich Stage) — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 15:57:00 +0000

From Ozone on Fark:

This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by electricity generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the U.S. Department of Energy.

I then took a shower in the clean water provided by a municipal water utility.

After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC-regulated channels to see what the National Weather Service of the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration determined the weather was going to be like, using satellites designed, built, and launched by the National Aeronautics and Space Administration.

I watched this while eating my breakfast of U.S. Department of Agriculture-inspected food and taking the drugs which have been determined as safe by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration.

At the appropriate time, as regulated by the U.S. Congress and kept accurate by the National Institute of Standards and Technology and the U.S. Naval Observatory, I get into my National Highway Traffic Safety Administration-approved automobile and set out to work on the roads build by the local, state, and federal Departments of Transportation, possibly stopping to purchase additional fuel of a quality level determined by the Environmental Protection Agency, using legal tender issued by the Federal Reserve Bank.

On the way out the door I deposit any mail I have to be sent out via the U.S. Postal Service and drop the kids off at the public school.

After spending another day not being maimed or killed at work thanks to the workplace regulations imposed by the Department of Labor and the Occupational Safety and Health administration, enjoying another two meals which again do not kill me because of the USDA, I drive my NHTSA car back home on the DOT roads, to my house which has not burned down in my absence because of the state and local building codes and Fire Marshal's inspection, and which has not been plundered of all its valuables thanks to the local police department.

And then I log on to the internet -- which was developed by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Administration -- and post on Freerepublic.com and Fox News forums about how SOCIALISM in medicine is BAD because the government can't do anything right.

A Visit From PZ

noreply@blogger.com (Rich Stage) — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 21:55:00 +0000

There was a Professor from Morris
who gathered the cast and the chorus.
And we all headed down
to visit the clowns
and the bibleists that all abhor us.

As day broke, sunny and grand,
the heathens from all o'er the land
north, east, west and south
all by different routes,
for reason we'd take a firm stand.

To Kentucky we all did flock.
Racing so we'd beat the clock
so if we were inclined
we might head up the line
so we could be the first to mock.

With ticket and button in hand
we followed through with our plan:
for ourselves to see
the insanity
of Ken Ham's folly first hand.

As soon as we walked in the door:
Behold! A large pterasaur!
Graceful and free -
or not. It could be
it evolved to stay off the floor.

The next thing we saw was bizarre -
a grazing and growling brontosaur!
Then we saw what they did
with the raptors and kids.
The Flintstones can't be too far!

The Grand Canyon was, so they say,
carved by the flood in mere days.
If you ignored all the facts,
or hit your head with an axe
or replaced your brain with mayonnaise.

They said if we came we'd believe,
but not after Adam and Eve!
We laughed, not from spite -
we could tell from first sight
that this place was built to deceive

Next was Noah and his Ark.
The departure from fact was stark!
While the rain quickly poured
God put the dinos on board
but didn't have room for the shark.

Heaven forbid if you doubt them
cause no one's more honest than Ken Ham!
He said “You can trust us!”
“We're just lying for jebus!”
and the creo-zombies echo “Amen!”

If there was one part of that twaddle
that kept me from coming unraveled
was the sight of PZ
gloriously
on the dino that was wearing a saddle.

While there we laughed and we learned.
We left wondering how facts could be spurned.
The day went as we thought.
The science was naught.
So we vowed we would never return.

Here is the moral of my tale:
stay away from this shrine to fail!
But if visit you must,
to hide your disgust
go filled up with whiskey and ale.

Edited to fix the spacing.

Freshwater's on Trial

noreply@blogger.com (Rich Stage) — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 16:25:00 +0000

Someone on Dispatches defended John Freshwater's burning of students.

Freshwater's really an ass,
who has balls made out of brass.
He thinks the kids learn
more when they burn.
We'll soon see that he's got no class.

Don't Vote on Election Day!

noreply@blogger.com (Rich Stage) — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 12:19:00 +0000

I want to make a challenge to those fundagelicals who believe so fervently that their jeebus will carry McCain into the presidency:

Don't vote.

Seriously, don't vote. Gawsh will make those eeevil Dems lose, as long as you have faith enough. By voting, you are showing gawd that you do not, in fact, have faith in him, and that will make baby jeebus cry.

So, just stay at church on November 4th, and leave it in the hand of your particular magic sky zombie.

Wrong Way McCain

noreply@blogger.com (Rich Stage) — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 11:44:00 +0000

Female Genital Mutilation

noreply@blogger.com (Rich Stage) — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 16:12:00 +0000

CNN is reporting that Attorney General Michale Mukasey has refused to allow the deportation of a 28 year old woman who had her genitalia removed by her tribe in Mali.

At long, long last, a member of the Bush administration has been hit in the head by the clue-by-four, and has become infected by common sense.

My question, though, is how can you be so vehemently against FGM, but look the other way when thousands of little boys have their genitals mutilated everyday?

It's A Boy!

noreply@blogger.com (Rich Stage) — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 16:01:00 +0000

Duncan Matthew Stage, born September 2, 2008.

Cracker Attackers!

noreply@blogger.com (Rich Stage) — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 17:24:00 +0000

There's been a big kerfluffle over a cracker. For references, check most any science blog in the past month or so.

Donahue and Catholic attackers
have clearly gone totally crackers!
The taste can't be beat
when god's what you eat.
Try the new Messiah Snackers™!*

The comedy's really first class,
but I almost gave this a pass.
Then I thought "would a priest
say the god that you eat
is still god when he comes out your ass?"

*For when Scooby Snacks™ aren't holy enough. Messiah Snacks™! Now with less flavor!

Letter to the editor

noreply@blogger.com (Rich Stage) — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 01:42:00 +0000

A letter I wrote to the editors of The Columbus Dispatch

Editors,

Amidst all of the letters concerning the editorial written about John Freshwater, some seem to have missed the point completely. Yes, it was wrong of him to proselytize in the classroom, especially a science class that students are mandated to attend. Not one non-theist that I know would advocate leaving religion out of school, but it should be taught in an elective course, such as comparative mythology. They can spend a day on each of the creation myths from around the world, and hope that they can cover them all in one school year.

The biggest problem here is the branding. I can’t fathom the mindset of a person who would do such a thing. This is a person who took the teachings of his supposedly loving god, and twisted them to the point where it was okay, in his mind, to harm a child who believed in something different than him. That is not a free speech issue, it is a n issue of child abuse.I am left to wonder why he is not in prison, and the school board brought up on child endangerment charges for having let this go on for so long.

Richard Stage

Ken Ham is an Idiot!

noreply@blogger.com (Rich Stage) — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 16:13:00 +0000

Apparently, Ken Ham doesn't like being insulted. Well, Ken, don't be such a fucking idiot, and you won't get insulted nearly as often.

Ken Ham is an obnoxious twit
who's brain don't work even a bit.
My hypothesis is
that religion has
replaced all of his gray matter with shit.

I could say that you can see how he's
proof that we're descended from monkeys,
but that's not how it works
and that mind-addled jerk
is too stupid to come down from the trees.

If there is a god who controls weather,
and knows every bird and their feathers,
you'd think there had been
a better use for Ken's skin
than to hold his sorry ass together.

Skepical limericks? What a neat idea!

noreply@blogger.com (Rich Stage) — Mon, 26 May 2008 16:24:00 +0000

The Skeptic's Circle is hosting a limerick edition on Action Skeptics. Why didn't I think of that?

Since when have limericks been news
for espousing skeptical views?
For quite a while
(with a complete lack of style)
I've had rhyming and idiocy suffused.

Perhaps I don't write enough
on current events, and stuff.
It has been some time
since I've posted a rhyme
about the credulous fluff.

Check it out and see what you think.
What? I swear it's a harmless link!
Limericks are still dandy
even when they aren't randy,
and Action Skeptics' are like a cool drink.

Expelled!

noreply@blogger.com (Rich Stage) — Sun, 27 Apr 2008 22:52:00 +0000

From Pharyngula

The creobots hope that Expelled
will not be viciously derailed.
They hope you won't see
the truth of the movie:
in the marketplace of ideas they have failed.

But one truth I hope lingers on:
After all is at last said and done
because of this flick
and the creationists schtick
Ben Stein's credibility is gone.

I can't help but to be amused
at how often these morons confuse
scientists questioning "why"
and a zombie Jew in the sky.
Their IDiocy leaves me bemused.

Perhaps if they pray hard enough
(Hey! It could work! Don't you laugh!)
Their magic Dad in the air
will come down from his lair
and heroically save this dumb stuff.

But I won't try holding my breath.
It'd make more sense freebasing meth.
I wonder if I
make them laugh or cry
as I am mocking their cult of death.

Why I like hockey.

noreply@blogger.com (Rich Stage) — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 05:50:00 +0000

Go to 4:06 in this video, to see one of the best hockey moves ever.

Our next president?

noreply@blogger.com (Rich Stage) — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 13:58:00 +0000

Though he's a mean, ornery cuss
and people would make a big fuss,
he'd still be the one
I'd vote for (if he'd run).
Dick Cheney! (Before he dicks us.)

Healthy hearts

noreply@blogger.com (Rich Stage) — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 19:45:00 +0000

From here

I wear my heart on my sleeve.
It's harder than you would believe!
But if it gets lost,
no matter the cost,
a new one I might soon receive.

As I watch it pulsing on the table,
I think someday they will be able
to take apart
and repair my heart
when my lifestyle has made it unstable.

Creationist mis-represents Darwin? Never!

noreply@blogger.com (Rich Stage) — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 22:18:00 +0000

Another from Pharyngula. I REALLY need a life.

These morons need taken to task,
and their stupidity needs unmasked.
If only they'd look
at what's inside the book.
But that might be too much to ask.

Race is a tough card to play.
One wrong move and you're out of the game.
But what Darwin meant
they will mis-represent
as they keep intelligence at bay.

If we all share the same earth and sky,
then why's hatred in oversupply?
Race, religion or creed
the last thing we need
is to hear all these Jesus freaks lie.

Don't just take this on my advice.
Think of how it could be paradise:
if we all give and get
just a little respect,
the best part - it's at such a low price.

Hoagland gets limericked

noreply@blogger.com (Rich Stage) — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 04:36:00 +0000

On the BA Blog

It seems Hoagland is at it again.
His stupidity hurts me, but then
when Phil's on the case
he'll have mud on his face
and slink silently back to his den.

I thought Miller was smarter than this.
I guess ratings are too good to miss.
It's easily solved
when money's involved.
So I guess all this crap will persist.

I hope you're not angry with me.
I've been a fan for a year (or three).
I hope that you're fine
that I dropped you a line
(and make sure you're not jealous of PZ).

Xian acting...blech

noreply@blogger.com (Rich Stage) — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 03:23:00 +0000

From Dispatches

Some Christians have made a new show
where the Atheists are really quite slow.
With men made of straw
the floor hurt my jaw
as their stupidity hit a new low.

I'm okay with satirical fun.
It can be funny if it's well done.
But when it's this bad
I wish that I had
an anti-stupidity gun.

Maybe when the next episode airs
they'll fix the scientific errors.
But, then, it seems
that would just leave
the credits, as if anyone cares.

More Florida stupidity

noreply@blogger.com (Rich Stage) — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 20:11:00 +0000

Another from PZ

The St. Pete's mayoral election
just got a pure stupid injection.
I might like to run
for that city in the sun,
but I'm allergic to genuflectin'

These local races, it seems,
can only be won from your knees.
With God on your side,
all you must hide
are your anti-constitutional schemes.

I hope that when this race is done
the person that they say has won
isn't this tool
or a similar fool
or any creationist spawn.

Imus Idiocy limerick

noreply@blogger.com (Rich Stage) — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 19:37:00 +0000

Posted here first.

From the Imuses once more we learn
that real science we all can spurn.
Your parenting lacks
if you're not anti-vax.
The stupid! Oh God! How it burns!

As the evidence continues to grow
and studies continue to show
that autism is not
caused by a shot,
more than all doctors they both seem to know.

Thanks, Orac, for fighting the fight.
Idiocy must be shown the light.
With people like you,
PZ and ERV too,
perhaps we can stem this blight.

Athiest birdies!

noreply@blogger.com (Rich Stage) — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 19:15:00 +0000

From this thread.

My 'tiels* have some thoughts on all this
They say, "Wait, God doesn't exist?"
And then they both say
(while the cat is away)
"Feed me or we'll bite off your wrist."

I wonder if they'd feel the same
(or would I just be changing the game)
Would they call me a sinner,
if, when the cat needed dinner
I'd forgotten to secure their cage?

God's where you want him to be.
In a book, in the air, on TV.
One thing I don't get:
Am I God to my pets?
I hope not; that thought terrifies me.

*Cockatiels, for all you non-avian types.